Top 5 Worst Games of All Time

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When we sit down to play a video game, we expect to be transported and engulfed into another world filled with action, wonder, and overall fun, but some companies make games that are so bad that they are borderline unplayable. Releasing games like this is a total disrespect to all of our hard-earned cash, and a slap in the face to gamers across the globe. Today, we take a look at the top five worst games of all time.

Ride to Hell: Retribution 1% is an action-adventure game filled with bikers, brawls, and boobies. Meet Jake Conway, a Vietnam vet that comes home to rejoin his biker gang lifestyle.

His brother gets killed right in front of him, and so begins the epic journey for vengeance. Sounds badass, right? Well, not so much.

Let’s just list a few of the problems, shall we? It’s riddled with thousands of quick time events, poor driving mechanics reminiscent to snowboarding on a ski slope rather than a motorcycle, idiotic fighting sequences, fully clothed sex scenes. They’re so misogynistic that they happen seven seconds after saving a woman from sexual assault.

The combination of motorbike and fence apparently equals an explosion. Some of the worst voice acting in any game ever.

– Oh sooky, sooky, oh wow. – The soundtrack is so mind-numbingly repetitive.

Cutscenes are just that, scenes that are cut so abruptly that you don’t even know what’s going on. On top of all the insanely bad gameplay and story, this game is the ultimate glitchfest.

And to think that think that this game was released in 2013, after five years of cancellations, reboots, and redos, this was the end result?

I would rather hock a loogie on dry pavement only to watch it bake in the hot sun on a Tuesday afternoon than to play this festering corpse of a game again. Steel Battalion: Heavy Armor is the not-so-exciting follow-up to its predecessors Steel Battalion and Steel Battalion: Line of Contact. The first game features a controller that had lots of buttons to help you maneuver your mech, but it costs $200.

So, instead of making people buy a crazy expensive peripheral, they thought it would be a good idea to utilize the technology of the Kinect on the Xbox 360. It was a game targeting the hardcore gamer looking to use the Kinect for something other than Kung-Fu High Impact.

While the visuals and the story were decent at best, it fails miserably at the most fundamental necessity: motion controls that actually work. Trying to combine the standard Xbox 360 controller and the Kinect for gameplay was a terrible, terrible mistake.

Heavy Armor has been widely panned by critics and gamers alike, and is considered unplayable due to the inability for the Kinect to accurately read the player’s movements. If you’ve ever played this game, you’ve found yourself screaming, no, not that button. What are you doing?

I’m not even moving my hands anymore. Flipping switches and pulling open vents required you to slow down and act as if you’re miming it out to a child, and there’s no guarantee that that would work either. Playing this game is like writing on a chalkboard wearing slippery oven mitts.

Sure, you’ll make some marks here and there, but trying to write your name is just frustrating and unbelievably difficult.

What breaks my heart the most is that it’s made by the beloved company Capcom. Yes, the same folks responsible for Street Fighter, Mega Man, Lost Planet, and Resident Evil. For shame. (dramatic music) Superman 64 is the bane of the DC Gaming enterprises.

Yes, even worse than Aquaman. The very first stage is a barrage of rings that you have to fly through, but it’s extremely difficult because the controls are horrendous. Once you manage to get through the rings, the on-screen instructions flash for a split second.

You have to be a speed reader in order to comprehend what was just displayed.

After you piece together what to do with those two cars from context clues, guess what? Another ring maze. There are a total of five ring mazes in the first stage alone. Second stage?

Glitchtastic. You will fall through the floor or go through a wall. And after that? Oh yeah, more rings. You are inundated with ring flying for the entire game.

It’s basically a series of unimaginative mini games, and flying through rings. This tedious, boring, bland game is joyless and barren of any entertainment value. And I’ll be honest with you: I never made it past the fourth stage.

Most people, after the first stage, put this one away, and some people put it out of its misery. And rightfully so.

The Cheetahmen franchise was an epic fail in an attempt to capitalize on the fame of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. The first game premiered on the Action 52 multicart. It featured 51 other games that were truly horrible and unplayable.

With such atrocious games even for its time, how could they dare retail this garbage for $200? Are you freaking kidding me?

Okay, anyway, back to Cheetahmen 2. Now, don’t get me wrong, Cheetahmen 1 was pretty horrible, but I had to give it to the sequel because they didn’t learn from the mistakes of the first one, and actually made even more mistakes, glitches, and unplayable levels.

A few examples include: not being able to duck and shoot enemies flying at you from the right side of the screen. These enemies are basically unkillable.

Immortal. All you can do it jump over them, and some of these enemies come two at a time, so you have no choice but to take damage. The game used picture stills from the first game, because they were too lazy to create something different. It has three Level Threes. Three of ’em! The first level boss is just some dude running to the right the entire time. On another level, after you’ve managed to defeat the monkey mutant boss, the game can’t go any further.

It’s just you jumping around, doing nothing, until you hit the reset button.

This game sucks, but it wasn’t intended to be released. It was found in a warehouse and was included on the second Action 52 multicart by the publishing company. Now that’s just dirty. The number one steaming pile of garbage of a game has to be Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing. The premise of the game is to race a semi truck to safety, while delivering illegal cargo and avoiding cops along the way.

Well, in this game, there are no cops. The trucks that you’re supposed to be racing don’t move at all, and half of the semis that you can choose from don’t have cargo to deliver.

But that is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg. For some reason, one of the designers of the game said, screw it, and didn’t add any kind of collision detection in the game, so there’s no obstacles to navigate.

You can actually drive through buildings, gates, trees, poles, other trucks, and even leave the game all together. Nothing slows you down, including grass, rubble, or even mountains.

As a matter of fact, going up mountains makes the trucks go slightly faster, even up to angles of about 90 degrees. Don’t even think about going over a bridge. These trucks aren’t made for that kind of structure.

The laws of physics don’t exist in this world. The incomparable, world-renowned sound designer Alex Burton is responsible for the sound in this game, or lack thereof.

The only sound you hear is the engine roaring as the speedometer goes higher. Speaking of which, in this game, you can actually go faster backwards than you can going forwards. While driving backwards, the speedometer infinitely goes around and around, helping you to achieve well over thousands of miles per hour.

The number on the timer, which, by the way, means nothing in this game, goes outside the box it’s designed for, and when you actually pass through the finish line, you’re winner!

You’re winner? This crapstorm was made by a California-based company Stellar Stone, but it was actually outsourced to Ukraine for development. It cost only $15,000 to make, when most games in the industry at that time cost well into the hundreds of thousands. As bad as this game was, 20,000 people were duped into buying this hot garbage, probably because they thought they were buying 18 Wheels of Steel, a much better game that was released four months earlier. The game is so bad that, of course, it has a cult following, and, at one point, copies of the boxed game were selling on eBay for about $99.

Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing is deserving of the top spot for worst video game ever made and officially released ever.

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